6 Red Flags in a Long Distance Relationship (2023)

Introduction

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In this video, I’m going to talk about 6 Red Flags in a Long Distance Relationship

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Video

Hi my name is tyles gibson and I'm, the creator of the personal development school.

This is your daily breakthrough video.

And if you're new to my channel, I create daily breakthrough videos for you to learn powerful tools that will really help you to upgrade, both your life and relationships and you'll see a lot of the videos on here.

A lot of the tools in here are all about like personal development, but for the subconscious mind, because unless we engage the subconscious mind in the process of change it's next to impossible and that's, because the conscious mind can't actually out will or overpower the subconscious mind, you can only identify what the limiting programs are and then actually work to reprogram them.

So we really talk a lot about this stuff at the subconscious level and give a lot of tools throughout this channel for reprogramming all these different things.

I also have an entire, um personal development school with over 45 different courses, um tons of live events.

Each week other trained facilitators of social events study groups.

And I do four live web webinars every week in there and there's a seven day free trial.

If you want to check some of that stuff out in the description box below so, um, first and foremost, all the like other than the obvious in terms of like long, distance relationships, red flags.

And this is what we're really gonna focus on here.

Today, you know, things like lying.

Cheating addiction, these sorts of things, um we're, gonna cover a lot of these sort of like important red flags to notice now I'm going to tell you what to do about some of these things as well in here, um.

But this is actually coming up as a topic.

Because I've had a lot of questions this week from people in long distance relationships, talking about red flags and being curious.

And then obviously because of like the the climate over the last sort of year and a half to two years, you know, a lot of people have been in long distance situations or can't travel to see one another and things like that.

So we're gonna do a deep dive here today about like red flags to pay attention to in long, distance relationships.

Um.

Now, one of these at a time may be a solvable problem and may not be, you know something much bigger.

But part of this video is actually based off of over the years in my client-based practice.

I have seen people who are in long-distance relationships and um every so often I would say, you know, one in 31 and 40., um, I will see certain patterns pop up that tend to be quite congruent.

And unfortunately, every so often somebody with many of the patterns we're going to mention today, six of these patterns, especially when all of these things are together, um often times when we're seeing a lot of these all at the same time.

Somebody may not be.

They may be saying, they're in a monogamous, long-distance relationship with you.

But there may be somebody else in their life.

There may be a family.

You know, somebody else there, um in the background that's, a part of the situation.

So I'm, definitely not saying before I dive into these things that everybody in a long-distance relationship, if there's one of the red flags that I mentioned here that this is what's happening and I'm, definitely not saying that this is something that often happens in long-distance relationships, I'm sort of covering the basis for people who are wondering, what's going on I'm, really not getting my needs met in a long-distance relationship and just some things to watch out for.

So you don't get stuck in situations where you're justifying things, um, seeing things that you're not happy with seeing things that don't make you feel comfortable or safe, um or just like connected in the relationship.

And that you keep kind of like justifying, oh it's because of this thing or it's, because of that thing, this is really gonna bring a lot of stuff to sort of the surface here.

So number one is ambiguity.

So if you see, you know, a lot of ambiguity in a relationship that on its own is not that big of a deal.

But it is a call for like going towards that problem and having a discussion to work through it.

One of the biggest things you'll see in long-distance relationships is because there's this space in actually not being able to see one another in person.

We have to make up for this gap in space, be by literally, um over sharing, rather than under sharing.

So that person can like really feel like they're a part of our lives.

So what you can do is share about your day and the details and the small things.

And when you're over sharing, it really makes people feel connected.

It makes people feel like there's, not this big distance in gap, and it makes people feel safer, um and and like there's, more vulnerability and closeness in the relationship.

And I sometimes see people go into long-distance relationships being like a little more avoidant, maybe a fearful void and dismissive avoidance together.

And they because they both have more of an avoidant side, they're, not used to sharing as many details, not used to opening up as much, and they get into a long-distance relationship.

And it can really fizzle out there.

So this is a really good strategy to bring in now if you're not doing this, um, and if you're seeing a lot of ambiguity overall, where people aren't sharing, what they're doing in the evening or they share, oh I'm just going out with some friends and they're, not including like details and they're.

Oh, I'm, just going out with with a friend to dinner a lot of the ambiguity.

It becomes a problem because the mind is left to sort of fill in the blanks with potential worst case scenarios.

And then if no party feels safe being vulnerable enough to say what what kind of friend, hey, I would love to know details, because that would make me feel closer and more involved in your life and would help make up for the the distance.

Then what happens instead is people just start getting into these.

Oftentimes like these sort of spiteful games, where they'll be more ambiguous back and try to, you know, and it can just create this like chaos.

It doesn't need to exist in long-distance relationships.

So over sharing, rather than undersharing.

Huge ambiguity a red flag on its own, but still a very solvable problem, just through approach behavior and having a healthy conversation that opens the dialogue to like talk about this stuff and just share what our needs are to overcome this hurdle number two inconsistency.

And again, on a small scale, not a problem.

You know, if somebody doesn't text back for six or seven hours, I really don't think that's something we should be overly concerned about, especially if it's like during the day, you know, somebody's at the you know, working things like that when somebody goes missing for a full day, a full two days and you're in a relationship.

I don't mean, you're in the dating phase and you're like betting one another.

And you haven't made a commitment.

I mean, like you're in a committed relationship, you've made a commitment.

If you're in a committed romantic relationship.

It is completely fair to ask that you speak once per day, if somebody's going through a hard time or somebody is, you know, they're going through grief or depression or anxiety, or something really crazy a huge career change.

And they say, you know what I'm really struggling right now.

I just need some time to myself for a day or two, but they share, and they communicate that with you ahead of time, very acceptable.

If somebody just randomly and intermittently goes missing for a day.

Two days, three days comes back, goes missing again for a day.

Two days, three days comes back.

It doesn't, necessarily mean that there's somebody else in their life.

But whatever those patterns are for those are not healthy patterns to bring into a committed relationship, especially a long-distance relationship, or some of your energy has to be focused on closing the gap and allowing the gap to expand and be created more and more so it's.

Okay, to want to speak once or twice per day, a healthy amount is to really chat like in the morning and a little bit in the evening.

Maybe one time on the phone, maybe one time over text.

Some people prefer to communicate through text.

Throughout the day, I think that's, totally fine, too often quite healthy.

When it's when there's an expectation that it's constant like every hour, you have to text back and forth or every two hours or every three hours or stuff like that, you know, that can be a lot on a relationship, um, it really depends on like your lifestyle and what's going on in your life at the time.

Do you have a really passive job, that's, very low maintenance or do you have, you know, a lot of involvement with people and client facing.

And you can't be on your phone all day.

And those conversations need to be had, um.

But expectations should be discussed in terms of frequency of commitment ahead of time to make a long-distance relationship that much easier and simpler, um, where both of you sit down and say, this is how much we'd like to communicate, and you find a healthy compromise, if you have slight differences in that area, um.

So again, inconsistency, when it's going m.I.a for maybe 12 hours every other day, you know, there's a lot of like long-form inconsistency or a full day.

You know, you don't hear from somebody for 24 hours.

48 hours 72 hours, um, or even longer, extended periods of time, that's a big red flag.

And again, that's just gonna create more distance when there's already enough distance in the relationship.

So again, those one or two things at a time, solvable problems have a conversation.

You can work through it together.

They start piling up.

And then number three.

Now we get into like when they start piling up.

I start looking at like, hmm, is this person really being, you know showing up well and true in the relationship.

So, um, number three unwilling to introduce you to family and friends, early in a relationship, not a problem a year into a relationship two years into a relationship family.

Some people are more hesitant, especially more avoiding attachment cells.

Some people have ideas or some different cultural beliefs about I won't introduce somebody until I'm ready to marry the person that's, completely, okay.

But if you've never never met a single person in that person's life, not one friend, not one family member, not one significant relationship.

And you've been dating for like a year a year and a half two years, if that starts being coupled with the inconsistency and ambiguity we're looking at like, hey, there may be some some more.

You know, deeper issues in here again, I'm, not saying that for a certain there can be other things at play, but that that tends to become a problem.

And it may not be that that person has, you know, another relationship somewhere.

It could just be that.

They have like big commitment issues that they have big fears of being too close that they're unwilling to take the next steps in relation in a relationship, like there can just be those sorts of issues, which are red flags that you have to pay attention to.

And again, have conversations about open up don't walk around or justify or turn a blind eye, or, you know, eventually, if it's been a year, you haven't met anybody in the person's life and they're inconsistent and they're ambiguous.

You have to go towards these things and communicate about them.

So that they become problems that you work through and resolve as a unit.

Number four, um, not going to stay with them at any point in time.

I've seen people believe it or not who are in romantic relationships that are long distance for two years, three years and have never been to that.

Person's house have never set foot in that person's.

You know, home or apartment have never been on facetime when the person's at home, those sorts of things like when we start piling that up with like have never met somebody in their life.

Inconsistency ambiguity again, we're, looking at either like severe commitment issues, or somebody may not be 100 real with like how they're operating in the relationship.

And so again, just keep in mind.

These are not red flags.

Do not mean run away, red flags mean, go exactly towards, but not because we're sitting around to stick, you know to see what happens go directly towards you have a conversation.

You get to the bottom of it.

And you find out is this a solvable problem or is this a big non-negotiable in a relationship when we've even non-negotiable, we leave immediately right? Those are the big things in life that we're like we're, not willing to budge on those boundaries.

Then we have standards that we have to uphold.

Then we have red flags, which are like sometimes just miscommunications and confusions that we have to address.

But we also may find that we address red flags.

We have a conversation.

And actually it turns out that there's a big problem there that, in fact, is a non-negotiable.

We wouldn't have known unless we approached it communicated about it got to the bottom of it.

And now we know where it sits in like our life and what's.

Okay for us and what's.

Not number five, um, I'm willing to post on social media, I'm, not a big social media person.

Obviously, like I post up on youtube every day.

So I guess that maybe counts as social media, but personally, like I don't really log into facebook or instagram, like you know that I do that very very very rarely.

And and you know, like some people don't live their life like that.

Some people are just not on social media in general.

But if somebody's really into social media, and somebody is spending a lot of time there and they're very active there.

But then you have these piled up red flags.

Ambiguous.

Ambiguous inconsistent goes missing I'm willing to introduce you to anybody.

You've never been to their home.

Never post on social media.

Now, we're, looking at like, somebody is probably not truly operating in a healthy manner in the long distance relationship.

And then last, but not least constantly making plans and not showing up.

I believe that there really should be like a three-time rule.

If you are in a relationship, and you know, minus like if somebody's going through grief, right like somebody just lost a family member, relative or job loss, or whatever and stuff or somebody's, just starting a new business or a new project there's.

This big thing going on if we are dating somebody though and it's long distance and somebody cancels on plans, three times in a row to meet the relationship is around that time I'm going to start fizzling out like usually by the second cancellation of plans.

And if it's three times over from the other person's end, I don't mean like a back and forth if there have been three cancellations in a row.

The person is not invested the way you need them to be they're, not prioritizing a relationship, which has to be prioritized enough to offset if something is long distance.

So again, if we have one of those red flags, go towards it solve it set a boundary find out if it's a non-negotiable, maybe somebody's like I'm, always going to be ambiguous and under share.

And you know what I'm always going to be inconsistent.

And I may go missing for weeks at a time and you're gonna have to be okay with that maybe you're like that's, not okay, with me that doesn't feel good for me in a relationship I'm.

This isn't gonna work then if we're not willing to budge.

But if we have a lot of these things piling up too, then we have to really really have our alarm bells going off.

And and again, I've seen many people over the years who have a lot of these patterns and do turn a blind eye and don't go towards it and have a conversation or don't or justify on behalf of the other person you have to make sure that you're not betraying yourself and that you're being fair to yourself in relationships as well.

So hopefully this makes a lot of sense, um, if you want to do a much deeper dive into like relationships on their life cycle, and how they work, you can check out our different attachment, cell courses that are advanced attachment style courses inside of the school.

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We've got a whole course about communicating through different tough situations and it's.

All just scripts that are out there, um that you can use to like navigate difficult and challenging situations in relationships.

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